The Most Disgusting Forms Of Animal Reproduction In Existence
So, stud, you say you’ve done every sex act in Urbandictionary. But have you done every sex act on the Discovery Channel? For you, dear reader, I have destroyed my Google search history. You’re...
View ArticleJournalism Student Writes Article Defending Millennials While Vigorously...
EVANSTON, Ill. – While penning an opinion piece about why the generation of Americans aged 18-30 is in fact one of the hardest-working and most intelligent generations this country has ever seen,...
View ArticleHow to Have a Heinous Holiday Party
Want to have a Christmas experience like we do at the Ave? Here are just a few things you’ll need to make sure you have a Merry Heinmas: 1. Ugly sweaters, Santa hats, and reindeer antlers Just the...
View ArticleProfessor Facing Charges for Scanning Genitals into Optional Course Readings...
EVANSTON, IL — Northwestern University music history professor Dr. Maxwell Douglas is currently on academic probation and awaiting trial on the charges that he repeatedly scanned his genitalia into...
View ArticleShould You Hook Up With Him? A Flowchart Journey
So you’re out at a party or a bar or hovering by the bar at a party, and suddenly a Calvin Harris song comes on and you feel some guy’s pelvis approach your ass and realize that you are being “danced”...
View ArticleThings The Man Doesn’t Tell You about Going Vegetarian
Hey kool kollege kid, want to check another cliché off your list? Already converted to Buddhism, studied abroad, went Greek, and pissed away your parents’ retirement funds playing 2048 instead of...
View ArticleOne Student’s Biker Profile
I wake up 10 minutes before my class all the way across campus. My carbon footprint is way smaller than yours. My calves are rock-fucking-solid. I only have one testicle. Yes, I’m a biker. And yes,...
View ArticleReality vs Expectations: the College Classroom Edition
Either I’m really bad at taking notes or these exams are vastly more complicated than what we’re taught in lecture. Statistics Lecture: 1+2 =3 Exam: Solve for cancer Art Lecture: Humans have created...
View ArticleWhy Having a Small Penis is Really Not That Bad
Hey you! You with the small penis! After years and years of society telling you that “bigger is better”, I am here to tell you that having a small wiener actually isn’t all that bad. In fact, there are...
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